I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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