your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
