finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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