Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
