new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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