Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
