I think i peed on brittanys purse
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
