TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You are the jesus of drinking
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
