Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
last night I used snow as a chaser
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize