I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
