do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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