Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
only if we run a train.
done.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Congratulations! We have a period
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