i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
