I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
