I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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