Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
