I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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