hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
