I don't think brook has ever known best
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
