Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
