What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
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Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
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I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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