I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
