i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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