Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
