I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
