she woke up with a sticky ear
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
