I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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