So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just high enough for therapy.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
