I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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