I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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