It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
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My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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