Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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