remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
