Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
