I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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