I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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