also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize