we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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