I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
