My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
