Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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