Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
