yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
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