I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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