did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
