Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
