Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground