Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.

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  (301): That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk. http://tfl.nu/t1w6
  Replies (2) Good night (1160) Bad night (488)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.

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  (248): They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking. http://tfl.nu/97aw
  Replies (9) Good night (677) Bad night (2412)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.

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  (205): but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule. http://tfl.nu/cjcr
  Replies (3) Good night (1031) Bad night (616)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..

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  (713): maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all.. http://tfl.nu/ph0g
  Replies (9) Good night (752) Bad night (3259)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.

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  (917): I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads. (917): Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful. http://tfl.nu/kyyh
  Replies (23) Good night (7516) Bad night (813)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix

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  (651): dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw (651): by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix http://tfl.nu/95z8
  Replies (17) Good night (1462) Bad night (4376)
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  (661): View more from California

  so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.

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  (661): so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa. http://tfl.nu/lwmw
  Replies (22) Good night (6182) Bad night (816)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.

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  (404): Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge. http://tfl.nu/3ppt
  Replies (5) Good night (4746) Bad night (855)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster

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  (870): We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster http://tfl.nu/c1fy
  Replies (3) Good night (887) Bad night (1849)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage

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  (406): I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage http://tfl.nu/3msa
  Replies (14) Good night (3306) Bad night (823)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.

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  (586): So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER. http://tfl.nu/hlts
  Replies (7) Good night (1827) Bad night (632)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...

  (226): View more from Ontario

  did I at least say anything...

  (519): View more from Ontario

  you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living

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  (519): we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom... (226): did I at least say anything... (519): you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living http://tfl.nu/vjjh
  Replies (6) Good night (2182) Bad night (600)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"

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  (978): I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it" (978): or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored" http://tfl.nu/zr7x
  Replies (3) Good night (889) Bad night (594)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.

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  (+61): I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery. http://tfl.nu/egkw
  Replies (0) Good night (398) Bad night (314)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.

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  (216): Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral. http://tfl.nu/blqw
  Replies (0) Good night (381) Bad night (258)

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