considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
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It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
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Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.