Texts From Last Night

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed

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  (412): I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed http://tfl.nu/d0u5
  Replies (55) Good night (886) Bad night (3460)
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  (818): View more from California

  This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.

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  (818): This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate. http://tfl.nu/k2b3
  Replies (39) Good night (1761) Bad night (4846)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift

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  (319): You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift http://tfl.nu/3fcv
  Replies (20) Good night (4922) Bad night (640)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.

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  (479): I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary. http://tfl.nu/vju6
  Replies (25) Good night (1249) Bad night (4779)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.

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  (520): In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties. http://tfl.nu/3p0b
  Replies (32) Good night (7793) Bad night (1216)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.

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  (407): Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine. http://tfl.nu/l8j9
  Replies (19) Good night (1384) Bad night (2890)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed

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  (330): tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed http://tfl.nu/01ok
  Replies (22) Good night (2089) Bad night (1105)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?

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  (312): I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp? http://tfl.nu/sqhc
  Replies (20) Good night (3528) Bad night (755)
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  (916): View more from California

  So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.

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  (916): So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones. http://tfl.nu/pw89
  Replies (9) Good night (2379) Bad night (1097)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him

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  (813): I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him http://tfl.nu/hd5x
  Replies (23) Good night (1356) Bad night (598)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.

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  (406): I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch. http://tfl.nu/qcd2
  Replies (3) Good night (1774) Bad night (522)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You may now shotgun with the bride

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  (610): You may now shotgun with the bride http://tfl.nu/3bw7
  Replies (2) Good night (912) Bad night (374)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.

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  (613): You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night. http://tfl.nu/z5vr
  Replies (1) Good night (1147) Bad night (314)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could

  (1306): View more from

  well, that escalated quicky

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  (306): he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could (1306): well, that escalated quicky http://tfl.nu/lv5m
  Replies (5) Good night (1304) Bad night (378)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.

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  (317): he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh. (630): oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life. http://tfl.nu/3sw0
  Replies (0) Good night (570) Bad night (315)

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