wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Let's get the cat blown out
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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