Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth