Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
