YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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