I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
