Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize