In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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