"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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