i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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