I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
