Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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