somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
