drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
