I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just tell him i said nine months
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
