how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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