how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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