Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
