My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
