i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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