Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
