dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
