You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
