She's JV to your varsity
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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