I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
