How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
