Define "chronic" masturbator.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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