im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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