is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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