i don't like sucking hair
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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