I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
bring money and cleavage
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
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