Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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