I need help removing her.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
